Nintendo's Seven Deadly Sins

Hello internet! Today is going to be another post where I complain about a big video game company. This time it’s Nintendo the family friendly, and sometimes super weird, video game company that everyone loves. I’m going to complain so much about them that by the end of this you’ll be filled with hate just like me! I’ve made a list of the 7 not deadly but douchey things that Nintendo has and continues to do throughout the years, so anyway let’s check out what’s under Nintendo’s shady veil of greatness to see what they’re really about!

  1. Requirements : In their systems starting all the way back to the Nintendo 64 where certain games (arguably some of their best games like Majora’s mask, Donkey Kong 64 and Perfect Dark) required you buy an extra Expansion pak in order to play these games. They were literally unplayable without it. Granted it’s not a lot of games, but they seem to have this constant pattern in most of their consoles to do something like this. Certain games for the Wii required that you always had the Nunchuk attachment in order for the game to even run. The New 3DS was required to play certain games that only the New 3DS processor could handle. The worst one was the Wii U where if anything happened to the Tablet controller (That only Nintendo could make, was crazy hard to find and not to mention expensive as fuck) then you’d be shit out of luck for MOST games on the console as well as changing basic settings on the console itself. Good luck typing anything without it. You literally can’t.
  2. Problem Solving: They solve problems like Jimmy neutron solves problems. He creates them first and then fixes it and everyone looks to him like he’s the hero. I’d be the one guy in the background like “We wouldn’t have needed him to starch all of our pants had he just put them away like a normal kid!” They create their own problems so then they can sell them. “hey you wanna evolve your Machoke into a Machamp?” “Well get your parents to buy this link cable or else it’s never going to happen!” Or when you wanna play smash on your Wii U or switch but you wanna use the GameCube controller because it is logically the best choice? Cool! Buy this adapter that is really hard to find! Now I know some of you are like “Psh, I just use the pro controller” and to that I say shouldn’t you be coloring outside the lines in your coloring book so you can put it on the fridge? Come back to me when you learn that you are wrong and accept the GameCube controller as your one true savior. Also, if you know someone that plays smash with a Wii mote please call the cops because that person is evil, and we don’t need that kind of darkness in our lives right now. Anyway, you buy that new 3DS? Guess what? No charger, and if you buy an off-brand charger because they are cheaper, you void your warranty! WTF. They said and I quote “New Nintendo 3DS XL uses the same AC adapter as any Nintendo 3DS or Nintendo DSi system. Rather than raise cost of New Nintendo 3DS XL by charging consumers for a component they may already own; we are giving them the option to only buy if they need an AC adapter.” I buy a new phone every other year and they all use the same cable so I have a million, but if the next phone I buy doesn’t come with the charged I would be fucking LIVID.
  3. Duplicate games: I don’t think any other company could get away with this. Could you imagine Jak and Daxter, but they are two separate games with a very slight difference between the two and they both cost full price and you need both in order to fully complete the game? People would riot in the streets, but Nintendo has been doing this for years and it isn’t just with Pokémon. They’ve done it with Yo kai watch (where you can just catch different creatures in each) Fire emblem with fates where they both conclude with a DLC that you also have to buy to get the full story and Legends of Zelda with the Oracle of Ages and Oracle of Seasons games (which yet again had different stories but required both in order to get the full picture) Yeah some of the ladder games like Zelda and Fire Emblem have different stories to them in each game. They could have easily sold the games as one and just let you fucking choose things, giving the games replay value, but instead you have to buy them both. With Pokémon they just take advantage of the people that are completionists and collectors that want to get all of the Pokémon. You have to buy both games to fully collect all of them or trade with people to get them which might be easier, but it’s still kind of like subconsciously making kids peer pressure their friends into buying the games so they can collect all the Pokémon. Now Nintendo isn’t as bad at this as some companies are * Looks at Capcom next to me* I’m looking at you Capcom with your crazy remakes and your 5 different renditions of every Street Fighter you’ve ever put out with the words Super or Alpha in front of it. Either way it’s still shitty, and it doesn’t even register to some people, they just willingly pay full price TWICE just so they can have like 10 extra Pokémon that they can’t catch in one game.
  4. Online: Now I’m sure some of you watchers audibly groaned when I mention Online in the same sentence as Nintendo because their online play has always been a joke and they seem to always be behind the times and not only are they behind but actively trying to avoid upgrading their technology to be more in pace with the current gen consoles and their online technology. Connections are shitty and intermittent, constantly dropping people, even in Ranked matches with no support or even a functioning chat system. Shit the Switch doesn’t even have Bluetooth support and it’s 20 fucking 20. There are refrigerators with Bluetooth and that’s not even a joke.*Jumps to me playing rave music from a fridge and me dancing* (they did create a dongle that you can BUY that fixes that but that falls right into the Problem-solving category once again. Yay Nintendo!) Also with the Switch comes their online paid service where they charge you 20$ a year for online *But that’s way cheaper than the other consoles!* Well yeah but they didn’t add servers or any online support since the fucking Wii, so it’s still fucking Peer to peer connection, which is iffy at best and at worst people could take advantage of their routers settings and really screw over people in the online matchmaking. Also, why are we still using codes? Why can’t I just add someone by looking up their name? Is that so hard to program? Every other console since fucking Original Xbox and PS2 could do that and Nintendo still doesn’t do it. *well you get some cool old school games with it. * Yeah but not very many good ones and you have to keep the subscription up to access them. Too bad I can’t emulate them which brings me to my next point!
  5. Copyright: Nintendo is the video game industry’s Disney. Where they constantly and I mean constantly are on the attack for copyright infringement. They have sued multiple websites selling their games as ROMs to make it easy to play from any device that has the power to run it, some in the upwards of tens of millions. They constantly copyright strike YouTube videos that show their content, some even just discussing their games and Nintendo Directs. They take down Etsy products all the time for having their character likenesses. Which I think is just silly. If you want people to talk about and enjoy your games, why not let them display their pride of said games by making products showing them off? No, says Nintendo we want all our old stuff and content to be ours and ours only so we can continually come out with ways for you to play them and enjoy your nostalgia but only under our*Zooms in and gets deep voice and inverted colors* STRICT SUPERVISON. It doesn’t matter who you are from just a lowly Esty seller to Souljah Boi, if they even catch a hint that you have something that looks like their stuff, they will sue you with no hesitation. Or at least strike down your products with DMCAs or something of the sort.
  6. No sharing: This has been going on for far too long for them to have any excuse other than they like money and you’ll buy it anyway. Why the fuck can I only have one save file in Pokémon? In animal crossing? In a bunch of other games? Like I kinda got it before when there wasn’t a lot of storage on their little Gameboy cartridges but nowadays you can’t even buy a cellphone unless you have like 120 GBs of storage so you can take a million pictures of your ass, *Blurred picture shows up* or is that a face,*Picture unblurs revealing a picture of me* I’m not sure. Anyway, this is especially annoying to families with multiple children, now the kids can’t share the game because if you restart the story now, I lost all of my progress. So, you have to buy a new copy for every kid. *Fanboy returns, bloody and tired but returns* “Well nowadays they can just buy a digital copy and share it between all of your different systems in the home” *Slaps and then beaten on the ground off screen* Yeah, but once you make one console your main console you now have to be connected to the internet at all times with the other consoles in order to play those digital games, otherwise they wont boot up. Granted you can just keep one at home and one on the go yes, but that kinda defeats the purpose of the switch being a PORTABLE console now doesn’t it?
  7. And now my most hated of all the douchey sins Nintendo makes, Limited Supply: It seems like every console, every collectible, every special edition doesn’t have enough to meet the demand of the product when it is finally put out for sale. Which a lot of the time is by design, meaning they do that on purpose to create a sort of panic and everyone seizes their chance to buy one as soon as they see it. The best example of this was the NES Classic which was such a hot item at the time and they only created about two batches of the product before stopping completely which created an outright frenzy as people scrambled to find the like 4 that got sent to every major retail store. The demand got so high that it inspired scalpers to go out and buy as many as they could get their hands on and sell them for more than 300$ and people bought them. Yeah it might look good to your investors that you sold out of all your product super quickly, but you know what else might look good? SELLING A BUNCH INSTEAD. Maybe if you just made more of them, you’d sell more of them, crazy concept I know but lemme let you in on a little secret. If people want something, they’re going to buy it, so just fucking give them one and they’ll gladly buy it from you instead of the assholes on Amazon selling your products for a 300% mark up. Their switch is currently in this dilemma as well, ( though it might also have something to do with the virus) but if they had just kept up with demand before this virus happened then maybe they’d be selling more instead of people buying other consoles just to get their kids to shut up for a second since they are being forced to be with them 24 hours a day.

Those are all my gripes of Nintendo and how I think they could really do better, don’t get me wrong I love Nintendo and I buy a lot of their stuff, but we as a gaming society really need to start holding these gaming companies accountable for their douchey practices to make sure that we don’t get taken advantage of, because they are supposed to be in the business of spreading fun and community between us all, not in the business of ripping people off and creating shopping frenzies just so they can purchase a blue private jet to offset their red private jet because what self-respecting CEO only owns one jet right? (also, I know there’s some things that I missed and if you thought of some please lemme know in the comments, just don’t mention the Labo, we just need to act like that didn’t happen. I hope you enjoyed this post and if anything, you had a few laughs and maybe learned something. Like and share if you did and if you’re a Nintendo fan boy and you hated everything I said well then thank you for hate watching this entire thing, I hope you guys stay safe out there, PEACE!

 

 

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